This past weeks almost killed me, I got sick and had a lot of pressure because of some tests that I cannot fail, on top of that was the wrong wrong wrong thing that I started to drain my mind just thinking about Oscar and the past…

I hate the fact that I tell myself to just forget him and move on but at some point I just go back to the point of breaking down so easily!

Yesterday I stayed home most of the day and for some reason I decided to clean up my room and while doing that, I found this print of Oscar’s hand that he made for me with white glue and also, I found stuff that I just never gave him for a reason or another, a letter, a little draw, a 3-D dog made with cardboard etc…

I started reading the letter and teardrops came out of my eyes because of everything I wrote, I wrote stuff that I would not be able to tell him at this point and it was just hard to remember all the things that happened between us…the things that were not supposed to happen, the bad things..

I feel totally lost without his smile… Everytime I remember him it’s so weird because we were so perfect together..  everything just shattered in like 2 seconds and after that, he forgot about me in like 5 seconds.. that was hurtful..

Why is it so hard for me to move on? why do I keep going back to the point of missing him and feel like Im not enough for him?

I remember one comment he left here in my blog saying he would never leave me… how sad… Im breaking down.